Fear of Rejection

And there I went BLANK.... :(

There are no words to express

Only reaction: PAIN, BLAME, REGRET

But nothing or no one can ever be coompared to what my Prince suffered on that tree

Nothing/ no one could ever compare . . . 

And so the BLANK goes to FULL of Love letters

Every words that He said, I am trying to absorb and accept

Every sermon, correction, rebuke . . .

are enough for me to know that He cares for me, that ALL things work for GOOD to those who loves HIM (Rom. 8:28)

and it reminds me of how should I not be bother about it... when in fact, my Prince suffered much  far from all the rejection happened to me...

man, may reject me, curse me, blame me and ignore me

but nothing or no one can ever stop me from TRUSTING and LOVING Him <3

And so PAIN, BLAME, and REGRET

turn to HEALING, ACCEPTANCE, JOY

Healing from pain, acceptance from mistakes, Joy from all the past . . .

I might be rejected by them, but it should not stop me from PERSEVERANCE....

Turn my heart of stone into heart of flesh Lord :) 

In love with a Man of impossibilities

I fell in love with a Man who is son of a carpenter, I fell in love with a Man who suffered because of me, I fell in love with a Man who was insulted and condemned because He was doing it all right, I fell in love with a Man who also fell in love with me even before I exist... I fell in love with my everlasting Prince Jesus ♥ do we have the same Prince? ♥ I can share Him you know... 

STAR-GAZER-LOVER

 ¹⁴ And God said, “Let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred times, and days and years, ¹⁵and let them be lights in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth.” And it was so.¹⁶ God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. ¹⁷ God set them in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth, ¹⁸ to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. Genesis 1:14-18

Once a girl who was patiently waiting for a shooting star to come as she gazes upon the night sky. It was night after night, the girl would always look outside the window before she go to sleep, hoping that she could have the chance to see before she close her eyes.

As years goes by, when she reached almost 6-8 years old, while talking on the phone with a friend, as the sun descent below the horizon, she noticed a quick spreading-flame like from the sky. She gasped and hurriedly said her wishes and prayers silently. She was in unexpected reverence and totally forgot she was on the phone. It was a complete relief, finally, she saw what she’s been waiting for. The girl’s dream came true.

As she grows up, the flashbacks of that memory is slowly fading. She can’t remember the exact day but she can vaguely tell what exactly she saw back then. When she becomes teenager, her admiration to the night sky did not stop. The more she stares at the stars and moon, the more satisfaction she gets. Even without a shooting star will make her happy as long as she sees the stars and moon.

Despite of all the busyness, she didn’t stop doing what she likes to do. She continuously observed the position, shape and arrangements of the moon and stars respectively. She even called one of the brightest stars in the sky as her star, because she thought that maybe that is for her, winking and staring, as it twinkles at her. In her college years, as she walks towards their house, she would always look up first and with a pause, creating smile on her face and sigh quickly with these words, “WOW, thank You God!”.

Throughout her life, it’s one of her most favourite time contemplating the day. She liked to witness the incredible settings of the stars, planets and moon. It helped her persistently walk hand in hand with God. Although the sad reality says, that stars and moon is not every night visible, the inconceivable part here is, that even it doesn’t show up especially winter or rainy season, the evident of the light coming from the radiant beams of the moon enlightens a heart knowing that even in a dark place, there is a less light to guide us on our journey. Lesser light it may be, but it gives guidance from the Lord.

This girl never loses hope on what she believes in. She incessantly adore God’s extraordinary creativeness on Earth. The girl even appreciated the “lesser” light in darkness knowing He made it possible for her to survive the day.

As long as I live, stars and moon will always be one of the best remedies for my stressful days. I will always be grateful for God’s hands in His creation as His light radiantly serve as a tool and a remedy to a crushed spirit. As long as there are stars and moon or even little light in the sky it will always remind me of God’s faithfulness to me throughout the days of my life.

Look! The tree is empty!

All of us are familiar with this, when I see a cross, it’s not only a natural wood that I see. For me, I see God’s love but I would like to emphasize that His love is not only limited to the cross, it goes beyond that tree, He is alive and with us at this very moment. The most unforgettable event in my life is when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

Since I accepted Him as my Lord and Savior, my life changed radically, a turn of 180 degrees from my old self is a complete obedience to the Lord, giving my life for Him and to take control of my life. It was never easy to be His child and neither difficult. Condemnations and persecutions of this world will allow crippling into our minds that we needed to give up and lose hope, but since I have the strongest foundation, [JESUS] I have to think and act like Him. His words has been my strength ever since, through His amazing love towards me and you God’s love abounds in us. Honestly, I have never been in love with anyone like I do for my Prince. I am just overflowed knowing that He deserves my love and life.

Being His princess is one of the most precious everlasting rewards I have. I am honoured and pleased to confirm that God has allowed me to be His princess as He is my Prince. As I walk radiantly for our personal relationship, I encounter a lot of challenges, but since His love is evident and much stronger than any temptations that could possibly drag me to the pit of corrupted world. The tree was empty, our sins and shame vanished. The prophecy was fulfilled, Jesus became sinner for us to have the salvation, the everlasting life with our Father in heaven. He was dead but now He is alive, death can no longer overcome us, He has overcome death! *Amazingly in love with my Prince.

I am falling in love with You all over again

For the past three consecutive days, God has been reminding me how faithful He was, is and will. He keeps on reminding me how I should be thankful because for the past years in my life, yes it was difficult, but it doesn't have to be miserable. Book of Joshua has been a revelation, the words and promises of God tagged my heart. It's fathomable that truly there is God! Obviously, the reason of sunrise, sunset, stars is because of His unfailing love, fulfilled promises and wonders of His creation.

I cannot explain how it has begun, but God has been using people in my life to draw me closer to Him. (Inspired as always.. HAHA) I may find my reasons unreasonable and invalid, there are still people that enlightens me to do what He called me to do! Right now, what I can tell you is that, His mighty works will shine in the lives of His people! This seven days prayer and fasting is a tremendous movement of God, positive and confident that God will make miracles and do amazing things in our lives. I am just so excited and expectant of God's plans in each and every one.

For the past years, I've been blinded and deafened God's beautiful calling. It was never clear and audible because of lack of determination and desperation to hear after His purpose. And so, right now, I can't explain how He surprisingly reveal some things to me that I haven't asked for. His words are my strength and courage to fully make Him known all the days of my life.

Not only in my personal life will He move, but also in my household and friends (relatives, family). As my faith grow and grow I can see God's extraordinary and marvellous exploit in their lives.

Not only my household will He make fantastic effort, but also in my studies, excellence for His glory will shine upon me. As I continue to strive harder and aim higher, He will definitely respond whatever I ask in Jesus' name.

Not only to my household and studies will He move, but also the things I needed to personally keep for myself known, He will surely give it to me! Come on! I will rejoice always whenever God will give it to me.You are my rock and glory, my lifter of my head.

It's not just about the things I asked for but also my personal relationship with my Prince. I am growing and blooming day after day as I spend more time with Him. Consecration is a big help. Reducing the time for FB, Twitter and Yahoo messenger is difficult but since what is more important to me is to dwell in His word and patiently listen to His voice. Deeper relationship with my Prince will help me see what and who I am for Him.

Love is a big word and what made me embrace it and give it all is to know that I was never alone and will never be, that I am loved first and preciously adored by Divine Authority. I mean isn't it amazing that the Superior of all things, the King of kings, Lord of lords, the Alpha and Omega can be your very best friend? Even a father, mentor, teacher or adviser cannot do what He did for us... I am just overflowed knowledgeable for His unfailing, endless, enduring love.

For me, the One who gave His life for me, deserves to be loved too. He deserves more than enough, He deserves all the praise, honor and glory... He deserves my Life to and it will only be Yours...

I am thankful that I had the chance to fall in love with the Lord my God, my Best Friend, my Father and my Prince all over again....

He makes me laugh

I didn't know that he would talk to me the day I visited his profile or basically his note. Since I was really interested with books, (bookworm) and his notes was all about the books specially classics that I am not interested of, but I'm trying. Since Scottish Chiefs by Jane Porter was mentioned in the book I am currently reading Authentic beauty by Leslie Ludy. EMMa by Jane Austen is an interesting book too..I find it interesting and there we started our online chat in Facebook. It's all about books, I was learning from him and I am listening to him. Well, not just that interesting conversation about books, he was rambling like a lady. He was the first guy I encountered that is so adapted with the stories of the books. That even the history or the combinations of the names, he knew. He is really a smarty-pants. He impart his knowledge, so selfless. Until I get so tired that I can't get any clue. I get no idea because he likes classics though I know some of it, but still it makes me feel "What? What is he saying? I have totally no idea... grr, what else could I have ever bring up?" And until the connection has lagged us and could't catch up anymore, so when the connection started to speed, he asked me if I have Yahoo messenger, and fortunately I have.

I really enjoyed my conversation with him, while my friends were bragging me that I am so nocturnal that up to early in the morning I was still having a chit-chat with him. But for me, it was just a mere communication with my long lost childhood buddy?(I don't even know what to call him) that I was able to talk with. That was actually UNEXPECTED.

Then there we go to some personal topics that we had almost same incidents in our lives. I got relate with it and some emotional stuffs too. Despite all the nosebleed topics we had, I was still smiling and laughing. It made me smile when he kept on asking me because he seems interested too in my personal life. (But please no double meanings)

He is so smart that he writes his own story, he joins extra-curricular activities, he loves to draw and classical musics... He loves to learn and answer all his questions in his mind. Like just what I had with him, sometimes I answer his question once in a one word that can also be an answer for  two questions. And he still wanted to know which one specifically is the answer.Like there is this trick question: where do you go by these days?  I thought the answer should be "nothing much, I do a lot of things"  but he has own different meaning too, he meant "What do they call you these days?" and I blushed without him knowing. He loves to tell story too and share some knowledge that he adapted from all his mentor or whatever he research. He made me laugh to when I accidentally said:gora (a slang word by homosexual which I believe it came from) and he jokingly responded: anu be teh, kalurka ah! Something like that, and I laughed out loud that ,can be heard  from the other room. From what I know this my childhood buddy? has a deep big voice since he reached his puberty. I find it so funny because he told me changing his voice most of the time and I don't know why maybe for the fun sakes or he is really a comedian.. 

Actually every time I reply to him, my heart's beats faster that I am so scared that I might fail to understand his sentences or I might answer his question wrong (grammatically and intentionally) I don't know, maybe because I can't reach him, he is so high. And so he gets my respect. Nervous attacks me whenever I talk to him, so in every words I have to think it through first before I send it to him. This second chat, I feel so free and comfortable. We were joking and teasing and laughing and also went to serious stuffs. I appreciate all the efforts, the advises, the questions and the songs I got to listen too. I also appreciate his being impish whenever he wanted too. I am not sure if I unintentionally hurt his feeling for being makulit so curious about the topic.

Overall, I don't know what it is Lord, but whatever it is Lord, I'll wait upon your REVELATION.

It's not just about my childhood buddy? It's also about God's direct calling. But since he had the feeling that we needed to talk, and I hadn't, I actually enjoyed it. I got the chance to talk to the person I call CHILDHOOD BUDDY when technically we didn't have any short or long talks back then... It was this Facebook been a great help to be the bridge of our communication! =)

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